Dear Padfoot (and apparently, Prongs),
First, Padfoot, I do thank you because I can't begin to really understand how any of you put up with my whining, boring nonsense most of the time. I mean, really - how do any of you do it? (You can ask Prongs for me as well, I'm sure he's hanging over this if he's realized you received a new one by now at all as it is.)
Secondly, I do pity you, Padfoot, and oh, yes, how I can feel the warmth of your excitement all the way from Surrey.
[This is me blinking. Again. But really, mate, I have the utmost pity for you, on so many levels...]
Thirdly, CAN YOU PLEASE ASK PRONGS WHAT HE WAS ON WHEN HE TOLD LILY ABOUT THE MAP?!
Oh wait, I should remember by now, I should, really, because I'm sure that from now on he'll do this, he'll just... he'll just read over your shoulder... and now I can just stop wasting ink becaues he's reading the same lines on the very same piece of parchment you are, and... If he isn't, really, you can just shove the last of this into his face and I think that he'll understand. I hope he'll understand. You can...well, Padfoot, you have my permission to hash him. Not that you needed.
PRONGS: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WERE YOU ON WHEN YOU TOLD LILY ABOUT THE MAP?!
Padfoot. Oh Padfoot. How I do pity you because now you will have to bloody PUMMEL Mssr Prongs, I don't care how hard you punched him in the arm but now you must seriously PUMMEL him for being such a bloody, stupid, prat. You can bung him if you like, bung him out and then just steal his room and tell Mrs. Potter you aren't quite sure what happened to her son but you're quite sure it's for the best for he's a stupid prat. Oh, that's good, and then I can have his Head Boy position and all will be well and good in the world. Yes. That will do. Prongs, Padfoot is right: YOU ARE A PRAT. A bloody, stupid prat that thinks about elephants when you hear things about the word marauders, and a bloody, stupid prat that tells VERY IMPORTANT THINGS ABOUT VERY, SECRET MAPS to girls with RED HAIR and girls who, most importantly, ARE HEAD GIRLS at HOGWARTS - remember, that place where we can get KICKED OUT OF for doing things like MAKING VERY, SECRET MAPS?!
Prongs, you prat, you can now return the parchment to Padfoot, who is not a prat.
Pads, if you don't owl before you leave for Grimmauld, good luck. I'm glad you are going. I know you aren't...but...I am.
Tell Prongs, if this map some how ends up confiscated, I blame him. In fact, I have already started blaming him.
From What Has Lately Been the Most Annoyed House of Lupin,